I'm in my early 20's and I graduated from high school when I was 17. I didn't go to school after because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I told myself, I'm taking a year off to figure it out and I'll go back to school. One year tured into two, and here we are 4 years later. I still don't know what I want with my life. All I know is I feel like I've outgrown my hometown. Small town livin'. A town where everyone knows everyone and everything about you.
So I'm a small town girl about to become a city girl. My car is for sale, and I'll hopefully have my plane ticket to make "the big move" soon. Hopefully sooner than later because waking up in the morning and not going to a job or anything gets pretty old after a while.
Now that Christmas break is over, everyone is going back to their lives. Back to school, back to work, back to reality. And New Years day I said, this year, is the year that I'm going to leave too. I'm gonna go make something of myself just like everyone else. Here we are 8 days later and I have my car for sale, I checked out plane tickets, looked at a few job options, and talked to some people about living situations. Way to be proactive, Christianne!!! The time is now. I'd always tell myself, "oh I'm not ready to leave home..." Or I'd make up some lame ass excuse as to why I was still in my hometown. I'm tired of making excuses. Time to be a realist. As Buddha says, "the trouble is, you think you have time." I may not "Be Ready" to leave the comfort of home and having a home cooked meal every night, having the comfort of having my mom's shoulder to cry on or my dad's corny jokes to cheer me up.
Ok, Ok, I know. I'm a big baby. I'm close to my friends and my family. Closer than you could imagine. My family is everything for me and so are my friends. They're my anchor. But I realized, I'm starting to outgrow this place. I know too many people and I know this place like the back of my hand. This is my "safe zone." It's time for this little birdie to spread her wings rights? As scared as I am, I've been shedding a few tears because I see my cats and I've had them since I've been a kid... and I'm sitting here thinking, are they going to still be here when I come bacl and visit? I lay in my bed appreciating that its "my" bed. It's my pillow, its my Montreal Canadiens bed sheets that are faded. Sure, I can bring these things with me but, they're not on "my" bed. I lay in bed appreciating every night that I'll have left in that bed. It's the same thing with my mom's cooking. Eating her "Fricot" or her "Rapure" .. I know that for the next little while, I'm gonna have to make my own. It saddens me that I won't be able to go to the Save Easy and buy a bag of dry fish anymore. I'll have to call my mom and beg her to send me a care pakage of dry fish. Jeeze, I pitty the postal workers that have to deal with that pakage!! I know that on saturday nights I won't be sitting on my couch next to my old man watching "hockey night in canada" with a cold beer. I'm also gonna miss the early morning fishing trips with my old man. Watching the sun rise over St Mary's Bay is something you cannot compare to ANYTHING in the world. There is nothing and never will be anything like an east coast sunrise or a sunset. My friend told me its the little things you'll miss the most. Sure, I'm going to miss these things because they're familiar. The one thing I'm going to miss the absolute most in the world is the ocean. The smell of the salty air. Going somewhere and always going down to the wharf to " turn around on the wharf'' ( those of you who are from around here will know what I mean ) But then I think. I've ALWAYS wanted to go see Banff. I've always wanted to go to an NHL game. I've always wanted to go camping in the mountains or hiking in hte mountains. Going to a place like this, gives me all those oppertunities. And living with my best friend, I can do that! Hell, this girl's pretty much like my sister. And she's from here. So 2 crazy Acadian girls in the city... look out, baby!! I told my dad he'd have to watch the Canadiens / Flames game because he might see me on TV.. haha!!
So all these small things and all these questions make me think. Am I really ready? And then I think to myself....my parents aren't always going to be there, and one day I will have to fend for myself for real. I won't have my mom's shoulder to cry on. I won't have my dad's corny jokes, or the cold beers and hockey games. I'll have my own life and probably my own family. But I won't be able to have that if I keep staying here. So, maybe I am ready...and even if I'm not I gotta take a risk.. I gotta go out on my own and live my life and learn how to live without my parents. Without the safety or the comfort of knowing where everything is or who everyone is when you go out. So am I ready?? I think I am. I'm making and chosing my decisions wisely. Selling my car, looking at plane ticket prices, making sure I have travel insurence, making sure I know what I'm bringing with me and what I'll leave behind, making sure I have a place to live, someone to pick me up at the airport, looking at what my options for jobs are out there and most of all, making sure I have at least one friend who can help me figure my shit out the first few days I'm there.
We all have a past. I sure as hell have a rocky past full of bad luck, betrayal, back stabbing friends and shit relationships. But in the end all it does is make you strong. Sure, I don't trust people as easy as I did 3 years ago and I don't let people in as easily as I did before but they're all lessons learned. I learned that a guy who treats you like shit is just a boy, because a real man would never treat a girl like she's nothing. I learned that you will always see a person's true colors, no matter how long it may take and most all you will learn who's gonna be there for you at the end of the day. as Buddha would say "No matter how hard hte past, you can always begin again." With that being said, I think what I'm truly searching for is a clean slate. They say you can't run away from your problems but I beleive that you can forget about them. I think what I want and what I need is a new adventure. A fresh start in a new place with new people. Some old friends but moslty making new friends and meeting a new pool of people. And start a new life. Everytime you wake up, you get a 2nd chance at making today better than yesterday.
So my friends. Today, I'm a small town Nova Scotian girl. I may be that girl tomorrow too. But soon I'll be a big city girl. But I'll never ever forget my roots, my anchor. When I first got my tattoo I got it mainly because my entire bloodline is a long line of fisherman. But now I think it really signifies that no matter where I go, I'm always gonna have my roots here. My Anchor. And you will always have a place that you can come home to.
Your "true" friends are the ones you'll always keep in touch with and vice versa. No matter how long the time apart when you reunite things will always be the same. So my friends, even with the time apart, no matter how much we talk or don't talk because we're busy with our own lives. When it's a real friendship usually you can pick up right where you left off, and there's always skype and the phone.
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