Hey Guys.
I think all girls can relate when we say " I want a boy who can show me that they're not all the same " And at the start of every relationship, he seems like he is, different than all the other boys. He says sweet things and tells you what you want to hear. And once he gets you to go on a few dates and you start seeing each other and he has you... everything seems to change. But us as girls, we've started to feel something by then and we don't wanna let go. And once we see the reality we leave what's making us so miserable and sad. And they realize they're losing you, and beg you to try again.. to talk in person. And you wait, and a week later the games start all over again. the ignoring when he's at parties with "the boys" we as girls, unless its a girl's night, if we're at a party without our guy, we still text him off and on during the night, we dont ignore him completely. The little things he did at first, like call you "His girl" or text you good morning AND good night even if you're asleep. Once those things stop you start to worry. Your friends will all pick up on your fake smile, the ones who really know you anyway. And they'll wanna get involved and say " dude, if you dont treat our girl better, she's not gonna stick around"
Now, for those of you who actually know me in person, and know my story. You guys will know that I absolutely take no shit from men. Fool me once, Shame on you. But there isn't a fool me twice. Hurt me once and peace out for me. I had a pretty serious relationship 2 1/2 years ago with this guy who dragged me through the mud. Made me feel like i was never good enough and so on. Made me do things I didn't want to, and eventually became angry. If it wasn't for a really close friend of mine basically taking me by the shoulders and telling me i had to leave before i got seriously hurt, I'd probably still be stuck there or dead. So I started treating men like they treat most woman. Like they are nothing. I didn't take any man seriously. " hey beautiful" is what id hear at the bar. I'd say " uhm fuck you" and i'd walk away. Or they'd buy me a few drinks, we'd talk and dance all night and then once they looked away or went to the washroom i'd leave. Call me a bitch or a slut or whatever. I didn't sleep around.
In 2012, I dated a guy from Digby Neck. ( if you know where that it, it should be pretty self explanatory. If you don't, Digby Neckers are Bad News ) But me being who I am, I Always give a person the benefit of the doubt. They can't ALL be the same. Turned out he was. Turns out I wasn't his only girlfriend, OR piece of ass i should call it. There was 5 others. So, me being the " Independent Woman" I am, the one who doesn't take shit from men. I texted him. YUP, a text. He didn't deserve the decency to be told in person. So i said " DONT talk to me again, fuck you have a nice life" and that was that. A month later he saw me out at the bar with the guys. All my friends are mostly guys because girls are drama. He tried to talk to me and NOT ONE of my friends would let him come within 10 feet of me. Thanks, Guys. After that i went on a few dates but i didnt want a boyfriend so i just did me. THen summer rolled around and i swore to myself i was staying single. Well... that lasted about a month. I met a guy from Wedgeport. ( I KNOW, i pick the worst ones ) Once again, Benefit of the doubt right? ...I gotta stop doing that. So, this guy was a body builder. And I was doing insanity with my best friend and working out like a mother fucker. Sometimes doing both insanity AND doing for a run. I was in retarded shape. Didn't party just worked out. We had RIDICULOUS stuff in common. He was 6"4 and a BEAST and I'm 5"4. ( cute right.... no ) So about a month into it, he says " I want you to come over and meet my mom and sister " I was dumbfounded. I had a bad history with meeting moms. Only one had ever liked me. I'm shy around new people and they all think i come off as a snob. So I agreed to go. So I went up, met his mom and his little sister,. who happened to be obsessed with me. Apparently he never brought girls around so I felt pretty special. His mom and I hit it off awesome. She was pretty awesome. His little sister was the coolest lil girl, ever. Coloring pictures for me and everything haha! So...we finally slept together. I let him into my heart. Then I stopped hearing from him. completely. After 3 days without a text ( That's my rule. If a guy doesn't talk to you in 3 days, I'm done. ) So, once again. A person who doesnt deserve me or my respect. I texted him, said "3 days no text? Grow up. Im done. Have a nice life" and that night I was at my neighbor and I's new tradition of camping out in a backyard, and bon fire. And we had some beer, ate some smores and hot dogs and that was that. A couyple weeks later I met a guy from the valley. Now valley boys are supposed to be your typical country boy. OR SO HE SAID. Im a simple country girl who appreciates the little things in life. I thought,,, hmmm, maybe this is a cool guy. Needless to say it was over after 3 dates. I've never ever seen a guy be so clingy and annoying in my life. I'm a little too easy going, spontaneous and outgoing for this kid. Here's an example. " Hey, If you start to fall asleep tell me because I dont want to think you're mad at me or something" ......yeah.On the 2nd date, I went to the valley to hang out. I met his mom, his dad and his two brothers. His mom also made, a HUGE turkey dinner. Because i was going over. His mom was a sweetheart and a country girl just like me. Barefoot in the grass, summer dress, hair a mess and no cares in hte world. When his phone broke he told me where it happened, how it happened and the whole 9 yards. Me it woulda been something like " hey my phone broke, ill get at you later" We took him cliff jumping, and he told my friends the only reason he did it was because i was there. Like, don't do something because someone else is there, Do something because you wanna fucking do it. And for a month or so after I ended things Id get a text every day saying how he wished things were different and he misses me and blah blah blah. IT WAS THREE DATES DUDE! .............Men these days. Either they give TOO much and smother you like Valley Boy, or use his mom as a wing man like wedgeport douche ass OR date 5 whores behind your back Digby Necker cocksucker. Men suck.
So now, there's a guy. Long distance. Because I am sick and tired of the guys from around here. The past 2 weeks have been shitty as fuck. As have the last two months, because we haven't even seen each other. My heart is falling apart and he doesn't see any change between us but I do. He claims it's because we haven't seen each other in so long. If a guy really cared about a girl, he'd make sacrifices to see her. " I'm just busy" he says. Works all the time, plays sports and parties on weekends. Seems like his priorities are pretty set right? Even if he was the one saying " relationships are all about give and take" How is it faire to me, because i dont have a car, to make me wait so long to see him " because hes too busy" If he's SO busy maybe he shouldn't have a girlfriend. When i told him that its hurtful and that its not fair, and if hes too busy why is he doing it. He said I deserved better. But, there is no better. He's what i want in a guy but maybe i should just move on... I'm tired of waiting, and being sad ALL the time. And most of all, i dread the weekends. Because I know im going to get ignored becuase " hes with his friends" .... I would never imagine ignoring a guy because im with my friends. especially if im dating the guy. What gets me is he gets mad when i say i feel like he doesnt care. Wouldnt any girl?!
Im independent. I do what I want, when I want and how I want. And nobody will stop me. But IF i'm opening my heart up to a guy. I don't expect to be treated like shit, especially when he knows about my past with untruthful men. I don't expect him to sit there ALL night and text me, but i dont appreciate being ignored all night either, as would any other girl. Im exhausted, guys. My heart is shattered in a million pieces in his back pocket because I've already called it off once. And you'd think because he almost lost me once he'd try. He'd be fighting his ass off right now. But... it doesn't seem like he is. Sure he has a job but, in all honesty I cant even remember the time there was even a phone call made. A SOBER Phone call. I dont remember what his kisses feel like, or what his heartbeat sounds like when im laying on him, I dont even remember what his voice sounds like. I dont remember the exact color scheme of his eyes. His laugh... his touch. I dont remember anything. And honestly..... when a person starts to think... maybe i should be single.... maybe it's time to be. If a person treats me like an option when i make them a priority... maybe its time to let go and do me and find myself again. When a guy says " i still wanna be with you" ..... show it! If you like a girl and you care about her, but you feel like youre losing her.. FIGHT your ass off for her. Call her if that's the only thing you can do, because one day, she wont answer your texts anymore. She won't answer your calls. And she won't be there anymore. If you cant care about her, she'll find someone who will.
So Bloggers....Sorry for my whining. and my insane venting but. there comes a point in all of our lives where we need to write it all down, and let it go.
Hold on to something that has a possibility of working? Let go and stay friends? Move on completely.
God knows what'll happen, when we talk in person, as he wants to do. Or should I say IF we talk in person. Because i have lost all hope... all excitement... Everything. I dont plan around his possible coming down to see me, i make plans and usually I can go do what i planned in the first place.
My priorities are pretty set in stone. But maybe his aren't.
Time to move on? ..... i dunno anymore. I dont know left from right anymore.
So tonight. It's an ALL girls night. Me, my best friend. The Music. The dancefloor and the drinks.
No computers. No Phones. No facebook or twitter. Nothing. no connections to the outside world.
As always.
Take care of you, because at the end of the day, you're all you have.
Chris.
No comments:
Post a Comment