Life Changes.

So, I'm officially a college graduate. I did what I said I was going to do all this time.

As I sit outside on my deck, the birds are chirping, coffee by my side and phone on silent. I realize what my life has become.... it's exactly what I wanted it to become.

I went back to school despite everyone who every told me I'd never do it or that I simply couldn't. I have my dream job, despite of how stupid everyone said it was, I'm a marketing and promotions coordinator for a sports team. I have a boyfriend, that everyone thought I'd never find just for the simple back that I was picky. I lost 50 pounds when everyone used to make jokes about my chub. I am in great shape now, and I owe everything to myself, for using all the negative comments as motivation. I owe it all to the love of my life and the friends I've made here for always pushing when I felt like giving up. I am here. On my two feet. And I am happy.

Sure, I go back to my hometown to visit sometimes but, it's just weird to be back in a place where I know I never belonged. I stumbled upon an article on ELITE Daily one day, about how your hometown doesn't feel like home anymore and everything is true. This like everything has a past but you don't see a future, I realize all I have left in common with my friends that are still there is that we grew up there except for a select few I still talk to on a regular basis, I definitely realize how far I've come, especially when I see the same people doing the same things and those things I used to love doing. The funny part is, I don't care anymore. I feel like an outsider, because well let's face it, I never belonged there in the first place.

My roots are not forgotten but, I have new roots somewhere else. I realize my hometown, never really felt like home. I never felt this safe, this loved by anyone, or so happy in my entire life. This feels like home for the first time. Family isn't always supposed to be "blood" and I know that first hand because some of my family put the fund in dysfunctional. I have made my own little family up here and I'm perfectly happy with that.

I get in my car and drive to work or wherever I wanna go, and I am familiar with the easy way to work, the main way, and the back way. I like the back way because it is the road "less traveled" and at some spots it overlooks my entire "new home". I live free of the small town gossip because not a lot of people know me here and I like it that way. I have a close circle of friends, and I like it that way. When I moved away I realized for quarters are better than 100 pennies, after a few falling outs with people I thought were my "friends". I like shopping at local farmer's markets, buying one of a kind things, and cooking home cooked meals for when Brandon gets home from a 12 hour shift. I have built this life for myself when A LOT of people were against me and put me down. But you know what, those people were the first ones to say how happy they were for me, and in all honestly, I don't care. I care about the opinions of people who never left my side, were always there for me, and honestly.... those who picked me up when I fell down.

So as I sit here with my coffee in hand, the birds chirping around me, the col breeze blowing on my face, I reflect on the last two years of my life and realize, I had to leave home to make a new home so I could be happy. I could go on about how miserable I was, what people did to me, etc. But this post, is turning the page.

This is me, starting my life for real, with the man I love, in a place I adore, with friends I would do anything for, this is me, happy. And to those who never believed in me, you remain in the last chapter as I move on.

Valedictorian Nomination Speech

The Beatles once said, "There's nothing you can do that can't be done, Nothing you can sing that can't be sung, Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game, It's easy."

Fellow student, faculty, family members and honoured guests,

Today marks a milestone in our lives. Today, we become college graduates.  For the last couple years, life has been the same thing. Homework, assignments, projects, exams and many sleepless nights. Right now, I feel like I did on my first day of school; scared, terrified, and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I can say it wasn’t always easy, and at some times I'm sure we all wanted to give up, but we made it. 

Two years ago, I was in a dark place. I suffered from depression and anxiety and I had no sense of where I was going with my life. Dead end job after dead end job, and just getting out of an abusive relationship I decided it was time to do something for me, for the first time in my life. I was going to go back to school because I wanted to, not because other people were on my back to go back, telling me what to take and what to do. It was time for a fresh start. At 22, moving away from the comforts of home, going 4-wheeling on the weekends, having beers on the beach with friends, and living a life that lead nowhere needed to stop. It was time to spread my wings. 

When I look back on my journey at Kingstec, I will always remember two very important things that two very knowledgeable  instructors of mine have taught me. The first came from a first year teacher. She told me that whatever I want to do in life, to never take no for an answer. My dream job was to meet Justin Trudeau, work for him, and hopefully make him fall in love with me no matter how hopeless that dream seemed. I had an obsession with politics and I wanted the rush of an election campaign to be my entire life. I applied for a job on parliament for a summer, and got turned down because I wasn't in university. Heather stepped in, helped me write a letter to Scott Brison, Keith Irving, and Justin himself. I didn't get a reply from any but, it felt good to stand up for myself and go for what I wanted. 

The second, came my second year at Kingstec. All I wanted was to get a good grade in Jill Hiscock's classes. She's a phenomenal teacher who knows her stuff, but she's the hardest marker but for good reason. I worked hard, probably a bit too hard on those papers for her but you know what? My second year I didn't get anything lower than 80's in her class. 
She told me that once you are lined up with what you are meant to do, success will just happen. Jill pushed me, often to the point of tears but, she taught me that I could do it and with her help, I proved that to myself. 

My dream is to be a sport marketer and to someday work for a team I’ve grown up cheering for. I can say I began that journey by interning with Acadia Athletics and the Valley Junior A Wildcats. Since then, they have gone on a 8 game winning streak, and made the playoffs. I would like to give myself a pat on the back for bringing them good luck. They are experiences I will never forget. 

I want to highlight what this really is for not just me, but for many of us. Many of us had goals to achieve, some of us wanted to prove something to ourselves and to others who often said we couldn't do it, and a lot of us have unique stories of overcoming fears, and adversity. I know for me, it's not just graduating from college after not being in school for 5 years. This to me is overcoming many obstacles to get to this moment. I survived a brain tumour, one that was meant to take me away from this world or leave me paralyzed. Here I am 14 years later, giving this speech, happy, healthy and a survivor. I survived abusive relationships, small town drama, and a lot of people who didn't believe in me who kept bringing me down lower than I was. All of our stories are unique, and whatever has brought you to this day, you made it. You are also a survivor, and I am so proud of you all. 

A few memorable moments come to mind when I think back on my two years here. Many drives up to the look off during the first few weeks of living in the Valley, working on an election campaign, watching the Red Sox win the world series and the Patriots win the Super Bowl and my favourite moment of all, bugging Peter Mowatt every single day about putting an Acadian flag in the front atrium until they put one up. Peter, if you’re here, I’m sorry.

I’d like to take a brief moment to thank a few important people. First of all, the creators of Kraft Dinner, pizza pockets and Mr. Noodles. You have made college much cheaper to survive. Thank you to the creators of orientation packs for including hot sauce….to spice up that Kraft Dinner. And lastly, I’d like to thank the moms out there for sending some home cooked food in those care packages so we would have real food once in a while.

Class of 2015, own your stories about what got you here and always remember how far you've become.  We’re young and we’re free and the world is our oyster.... I honestly have no idea what that means but let’s take a look at your future. As soon as we walk through those doors today, we make what we want of the world. We may work at jobs we love or hate but when you walk through those doors, I want you to remember two very valuable pieces of advice: 

Number one: Line yourself up with what you love, and with what you’re meant to do and you’ll find success. 

Number Two: Don’t ever take “no” for an answer. If you want it, you will find a way. 

Well grads, it’s been a crazy ride and I wish you nothing but the best. Shoot for the stars, but most of all, don't stop believing in yourself.

Congratulations class of 2015, we made it.

Turning the page, finally.

In January of 2013, I found myself at a crossroad in life. Just ended yet another bad relationship, and ultimately I was miserable with my life. How did I let myself go down that path? It's not me. I had so many people on my back telling me what to do, and how I should live my live and I began letting those people run my life. Go do this, go work here, do that. It became a daily thing. Where do you work, blah blah blah. Same thing, different day. There's only a select few who didn't tell me what to do, but tried to help me figure it out. 

After this bad relationship, I told myself I was taking time for me. It was also the best decision of my life because I learned who I was, learned to love myself first, and I was at the point where I was perfectly fine with being single.

One morning I found myself laying in bed, not wanting to get up. I was depressed and my anxiety was the worst it had ever been. 2 of my friends came over and they said "Christianne.... it's your life. Do with it what you want." And It struck me. I almost died when I was 10 years old, from a brain tumour. I'm not supposed to be walking, talking, or even alive. So I woke up the next morning, made an appointment with a career counsellor and a therapist. The career counsellor helped me more than she'll ever know, and the therapist saw me once and ignored every contact made for further visits. So I chose to get better on my own, whatever that took.

On my first visit, the career counsellor told me "Usually on the third visit, people know what they want." And i laughed at her, right there in her face. I replied with "haha I'm a pretty messed up person with a huge variety of interest, good luck." And you know what? On the third visit she helped me fill out the application for the Business Administration program. She was right. I know myself better than I ever imagined, I just doubted myself because nobody except a select few believed in me. 

That summer, I moved away from home because I felt like that's what I needed. I needed out, and I needed out fast. I was heading down the wrong path and it was showing. My first 2 weeks of school I said "Fuck this" so many times that I probably put a pirate's profanity to shame. I cried over stupid accounting assignments, you name it. But you know what? My first accounting assignment, I got an 80. My first Business Environment assignment, I got 100. I began gaining confidence in my decision to go back to school. 

I worked on an election campaign and met a lot of people, which was nice in a new town. Those people became like family to me, and I will never forget them especially Katherine who became like a mom to me, and never said no when I needed someone to talk to, needed to do laundry, or just needed a puppy to cuddle with when I found out my childhood pet had passed away. Fenway, you will always be my "favourite girl." Keith and Katherine, I am incredibly lucky to have you in my life. Thank you for believing in me and giving me the responsibilities nobody else wanted to give me. 

In November of my first semester, I met a guy and I thought... am I ready? Can I let someone into my fucked up heart or will he be just like the others and use, cheat, lie... whatever. But I took a risk and I can honestly say it hasn't always been easy but, it's everything I have ever wanted. When things went sour with my roommates, I was left in a position of... well I can live there and hate my life, I can move back home and transfer campuses which would have ruined me, or live in my car.  This guy told me to get in the car. He drove me to my apartment, picked up my stuff and told me I was moving in. He had almost lost me once, and he didn't want to lose me again. That showed me, it was okay to trust. We have been together since November 2013 and still going strong. I have never loved or cared for anyone as much as I do for Brandon and no matter how many bumps in the road we hit....it won't matter because we always come out stronger. Brandon, thank you. For never giving up on me, or Bertha as much as you hate that car. Thank you for putting up with my rants about teachers, my breakdowns that I just wanted to quit, and especially for always being there for me when I needed a pep talk before major presentations or entrepreneurship competitions. 

Now, my first year my grades were acceptable, but....not good enough for me. I had trouble with group members and a teacher who I thought wanted to see me crash and burn....but I made it. 

After an incredibly stressful summer where I couldn't find a job, my dad had open heart surgery and I almost lost the person I am closest to I found myself getting a bit lost. Because of my hospital experiences, I cannot handle seeing a person I care about on life support. My entire family didn't speak to me and when my dad was out of the OR nobody bothered to tell me he was okay. I found out from somebody who had seen it on my mother's Facebook. I know I shouldn't keep a grudge, but I will never forgive them for that. I became fearlessly independent and I began my 2nd year and then everything changed. I applied myself more than ever and got all 80s and 90s on everything. The more I succeeded the better I wanted to get. I loved the satisfaction of getting a high mark on an assignment, it was addicting. 

I write this with bittersweetness as I went to campus on Friday to pick up my last assignments and my portfolio with a dear friend, that I only met recently. She has become such a big part of my life that I couldn't imagine it without her. She is always there to listen, to laugh, and I can always count on her to take a different way to school, taking random roads, and ending up exactly where we need to be. Also, my dear cashew..... I can always count on you to sing whatever song is on the radio at the top of our lungs obnoxiously, without a single care in the world. I hope I can be as free spirited as you when I get older. Thank you and remember, never stop believing in yourself, because I know what you got in ya, and I can't wait for the world to see it. 

The same goes for my marketing classmates.... I cannot imagine my life without you guys. I love you all, more than you'll ever know and I hope you all find the success you all deserve. I will cherish the friendships we have made, and cannot wait to meet for lunch down the road and hear all the success stories.

Now, I don't like talking about my success because I feel like I am bragging. But, after two years of working my butt off, endless stress, crying over absolutely nothing, almost losing my dad, almost dropping out and giving up...I can finally check off the one thing I've been wanting to do for the last 7 years. "Go back to school, and graduate."  

Here I am, 2 years later. Graduating with an overall average of about 85. A girl who aimed for a pass mark of 60 but somehow managed to get 80's and 90's. A girl who was nominated for valedictorian. A girl who was the talk of the staff room for being the most improved student on campus. A girl who had people talking so many bad things about her and used those as motivation. I begin my work term tomorrow and have also got onto an organization that is my dream come true. I am a sport marketer for the Valley Wildcats. My lifelong dream to work for a sports team, has come true. Moving to the Annapolis Valley has changed my life. I am in love with living between two mountains, but still knowing that the ocean is only a drive away. I am in love with the friendships I have made. I am in love with the greatest person I have ever met. I am in love with my life. I can finally say I know what happiness feels like and I know what's it's like to say.... I made it.  When I walk across that stage, for the first time in my life I can say that I made it.

The Beatles once said:

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free
Blackbird fly, Blackbird Fly
Into the light of the dark black night.
Blackbird fly, Blackbird Fly
Into the light of the dark black night.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
take these broken wings and learn to fly
all your life
You were only waiting for this moment to Arise.


I cannot wait to spread my wings and soar.