Changes

 I sit here 3 1/2 months shy of 24.... and to me, that's scary.  Right now I'm 23 and it feels like I haven't even started getting my shit together. Just decided to go back to school last fall, so this fall I'm going into my final year of a 2 year, 24 credit business program. I have a boyfriend with whom I live with... and share a very special relationship with. My best friend as well as my lover.

There are so many things I wish I could tell him yet, and fail to do so because normally I'm very shy. I think the absolute world of him, yet I can't tell him because I'm still kind of shy.

Next year, when I graduate... then what? I'm so scared of the unknown it's unreal. I have so many dreams, goals and aspirations of exactly who I want to be and where I want to go with my life. I have a supportive boyfriend and we love our little spot here in the valley. Our lives are near perfect.

I feel like my life has gone through so many changes in the year, and the more I think of it the more I intimidate myself.

1. Going back to school....
2. Getting through my first semester.
3. Putting myself out there ....
4. Facing my fear of love... especially since I was so independent and took care of myself and was okay with it
5. Getting close with people...I normally didn't do that because I was so used to having people walk out on me, that it became normal.
6. Using the L word for the first time in over 3 years.
7. Moving out of Clare.... and sometimes missing it.... the ocean.... Im a child of the tides what can I say.
8. Caring about a person more than I care about hockey, soccer, football, baseball or any sport.
9. Not being the party girl I once was..... and not missing it whatsoever...

I used to be "one of the guys" because I was all about having fun, having zero cares and being pretty reckless when it came to getting an adrenaline rush from cliff jumping or the other stupid stuff I've done that could of killed me. We loved the nightlife, the afternoons drinking on the beach, and the afternoon deck parties and day drinking. I can't count the times where we got the bright idea to just drink all day.... and go out all night. My body just can't handle that anymore it seems.

The truth is, when you're 19... you don't care. You really just don't care about anything except Friday nights and the weekend with your friends. You don't think about settling down, having kids, getting married or even imagining your lifestyle any different way. I sit here at 23... and I'm still trying to figure out what my purpose in life is. Where I'm going, who I am, where I'm gonna end up.... or where I'll be a year... even 10 years from now.

All I know is you have to do, what you gotta do... because you only have so much time. Then you fall in love, find what could truly be your soulmate and then a new adventure begins. This person makes you want to be better, commit to a relationship, spend time with them instead of going out with the gang, wanting to support them through everything, talk about the future instead of talking about what we'll be drinking that weekend and most importantly.... you want them by your side through everything.  Love changes you.... sometimes for the worst but most of the time for the better.

I've learned to be less stubborn, to let someone do things for me even if it means something as simple as paying for a coffee or going out to try sushi and absolutely hating it and most importantly, Ive learned to let someone in again. That for me, was the absolute hardest.

Dear Charley...

Dear Charley,

You just turned 98, Happy Late Birthday. It's been almost ten years since I've seen that glimmer in those hazel eyes and that mischievous smile. The one that I now have ( according to mom ). August 20th, 2004 you left my world and went to be with Grand-Mere Comeau. But, I miss you more than anything lately because even though I know you're sitting there next to me saying "Smile, Charlie!" I still can't help but wish you were here eating chips from your secret stash and telling me your stories. I miss your little red ford and playing in the old barn...and I miss you wearing those cool hats you always wore. (They're back in style by the way).

So much has happened since you left. There's just so much I wish I could tell you. Something happens every single day that I wish you were here so I could call you and tell you.  I went to prom, graduated and even though it took a while...I'm in college.I wish you could of been sitting there in the crowd when I walked the stage at grad march or graduation. And the closer it comes the more I wish I could see your smile at my college graduation.  I even fell in love with the greatest guy I have ever come to know. (I know, I know... "I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend until I'm 30" You always had your ways of protecting me and trying to teach me life lessons.

The thing I wish I could tell you the most is how I have managed to develop a relationship so strong, so perfect and so full of love. Growing up I kept looking at your wedding picture and I always said I wanted that kind of love. You and Grandmere looked like you were so in love, so happy and you were both smiling like it was exactly where you were supposed to be. I dreamed of finding that and I finally found it.

I wish you were here to meet Brandon because you guys would hit it off so easily. He's so gentle, loving and caring that you can't help but like him, He's a cutie too...he's got a smile that could light up the room and a laughter so contagious that you can't help but smile.   I also wish you were here so he could meet you, and see what I mean by "He's the greatest person I've ever known". You were so selfless.... so nice....so genuine. I think you'd really like him, Gramp. I think you'd approve of this one for me. I think he'd like you too... who can resist that Comeau charm we have.

I'll see you again someday, until then... "Warroin, Charley"





Charley: Grandpere Denis Comeau called all his Grandkids Charley when we'd walk through the door.

Bikinis VS Underwear. The difference.

In spite of recent events, I felt the need to have a "vent post" and a "I want your opinion post"


My very best friend and a girl who's been like a sister I never had is trying to get through university, so she took up modelling. She is a girl who is absolutely stunning. She has never gotten cocky about her looks or used them to make anyone feel lower than her. She is the funniest, most energetic, funnest, nicest person you'll ever meet and she makes you want to be around her. Partying with her, is the absolute funnest thing in the world because honestly, you have no idea what kind of shenanigans are going to happen, and that's okay!

SO here is my vent.

We are both from a very small town, people talk. a lot.
I hate that, everyone absolutely NEEDS to know your business so they can TALK, to obviously make themselves sleep better at night.... or whatever it is they need to do to make themselves feel better about their shit lives.

We both moved out of Clare to get out of that shit hole and it's baggage that comes with it. She moved to the city and I moved to the valley because I'm not exactly your definition of a city girl like she is.

She signed with City Models (Of course, she's 5"8 and a lil smoke show). Models have tremendous bodies obviously and they get paid for what they do.

Pictures of her in underwear (That I personally wish I could look good in for my boyfriend lol) were tagged on Facebook and it ERUPTED but, when pictures of her in a bikini and a leather jacket were tagged, that was acceptable.

My question is. Bikini or Underwear... what the HELL is the difference?! Both cover your tits, cunt and asshole... unless you're like come people and just go to nude beaches and walk around commando.

What IS the actual difference between underwear and a bikini?! Seriously.

If people have a problem with MY Best Friend, go fuck yourselves because honestly....
Yeah.// pictures speak 1000 words But actions speak a lot louder.
Talk shit, but take a look at your lives first.

Awy, This ones for you, girl.
If I had the guts... and the confidence I might of actually posted a picture of me in my hot pink thong and bra just to support you.
Erj taime dude.